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Category Archives: Charmed, I’m Sure

Witty observations about a modern woman’s life.

Project: Bebe

Holy mother of absence – where have I been all your life??

Very good question. The answer is…I’ve been busy. Not just making my own Christmas presents busy. Like…the busiest I have ever been. The reason why? I’ve been growing a baby. Its been the most amazing, wonderful and terrifying experience I’ve ever had. And I’m not even half way!!! Right now, our little Pickle is 16 weeks old and 11.5cm (4.5in) long. Incredible if you ask me.

Despite the initial 14 weeks of horrendous nausea and gagging fits, everything has been going pretty great. Some days I think I’m the only woman who has ever endured the complete and overwelming tiredness of pregnancy. Or the uncontrollable and irrational emotion that changes like the wind. But the biggest challenge for me? I’m now at the complete and utter mercy of my body. Its in the drivers seat of a rally car and thinks its the Stig.

Night time is the worst. It usually plays out something like this:-

10.32pm – Settle into bed.

10.48pm – Body: I’m hungry. Me: No you’re not, go to sleep. Body: I aaaaaam. I need a snack. Me: But I’ve just brushed my teeth. Oh ok. (Get out of bed, find muesli bar, eat muesli bar)

11.15pm – Crazy dreams.

12.39am – Crazy dreams.

3.18am – Crazy dreams.

4.02am – Body: I need something. Me: What do you need? Body: I’m thirsty, I need water. (Drink water beside bed)

4.18am – Body: Now I need to pee. Me: Really? Ok. (Get out of bed, go to bathroom).

4.32am – Body: I need something else. I’m hungry. Me: No you aren’t. I’m not eating anything. You can have some water. (Drink more water)

4.35am – Body: But I am hungry. I’m starving. I’m starving. I’m starv…I’m feeling sick. I might spew. Yep, I’m gonna spew. Nope, I’m hungry again. Pleeeease??? Me: Geez ok, hang on. (Get up, go to pantry, fumble for something in the dark, find half stale chicken crackers, eat 4 crackers, drink more water, go back to bed)

4.46am – Body: Uh oh…I really need to pee again. Me: Seriously?? Seriously? Body: Well you did drink all that water. (Get out of bed, go to bathroom).

5.06am – Body: I can’t sleep. Those crackers have left a funny taste in my mouth. Me: I agree. (Get out of bed, brush teeth, go back to bed)

6.45am – Me: I have to get up in 15 minutes for work. Body: No way! I’m tired. I’m going back to sleep.

7.15am – Me: Darn!! I slept in. Nice work body, now I’m going to be late! Body: Don’t forget that I want 3 pieces of toast for breakfast this morning.

I eventually make it to work looking almost like a real human. By mid-morning I’m actually feeling like a real human. By 3pm, I’m wishing I could crawl under my desk for a nap. But somehow, I manage to get to the end of the day, drag myself home, sometimes make dinner, sometimes curl up on the couch and start the whole night time routine again.

So why not stay tuned for some more exciting and unbelievable adventures starring: My Body. Rated MA+.

Crafty

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Posted by on January 24, 2013 in Charmed, I'm Sure

 

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When you handmake yourself into trouble…

Greetings long-lost friends! I hear you saying “where the heck did she go?”. Good question.

Lets flash back to the 14 September where I gallantly proclaim to the entire online world that I’m going to make all of my Christmas gifts this year. My super cool international twin (Sips of Jen and Tonic) gets on board and we decide to set up an entirely new blog dedicated to the cause. We even create a Facebook page to announce all of our wonderful handcrafted Christmas cheer. Fast forward three months and with one week to go, I’m still frantically running around like a turkey with its head cut off. Poor (delicious) turkey. So…where did I go wrong? Let’s find out:-

  1. Publicly declaring this monstrous task. Instead of pretending I’d had a moment of drunken fantasy, it was there in black and white for everyone to see.
  2. Thinking that 3 months would be adequate time to create handmade gifts for everyone – obviously forgetting the fact that making something takes considerably more time than buying something. Factoring in weekends driving here and there to source materials to make said gifts and I was already behind.
  3. Forgetting I had a life with other areas of importance which needed to be tended to. Including a full-time job, a house, friends and family. So throw in weekends full of housework, grocery shopping, birthday parties, family get-togethers and trying to start a new local market, I now was not only behind, I was stressed about being behind.

All in all I managed to make about 20 jars of jam, 5 sets of coasters, 4 kitchen hand towels, 3 circle skirts and a partridge in a pear tree. But I certainly haven’t had time to document and blog about these projects. Luckily there are people out there that haven’t over-committed themselves and are more than happy to share their creative projects with the rest of us on the Handmade Christmas Project blog. If they didn’t, it would be a rather sad solitary bauble on the blogging Christmas tree.

Thank you to everyone who shared my initial enthusiasm, encouraged me and inspired me. Although I didn’t complete my 100% handmade Christmas (yes there have been some sneaky, store-bought gifts), and I made myself majorly stressed about the whole thing, I’m still very proud to be giving gifts made with care and love this season.

If you’d like to read what we did have time to blog about, head over to the HCP blog for a look-see. Let me take this opportunity to wish all of you a really wonderful Christmas. Wherever and whoever you’re spending it with, I hope it’s filled with magic. Thanks for a great year full of truly wonderful reading experiences. I’ve made some amazing friends by starting my blog and you’re all creating your own handmade magic everyday. Ho! Ho! Ho.

 
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Posted by on December 17, 2012 in Charmed, I'm Sure

 

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Confessions of a food addict…

Ever since I can remember, I’ve been having a tumultuous love affair with food. At times we are consumed by each other, locking ourselves away from the rest of the world and indulgently taking pleasure in our relationship.

Other times, I come to my senses and realise what food has done to me and I shun it, refusing to see it at all. In the past this has been a time of mixed emotions. Food provides me with a comfort, a reassurance and escape. And not just the eating of it either. I take pleasure in the thought of it, the planning of it, the making of it and of course, the eating of it.

I think the biggest self-realisation is, that in all areas of my life, I’m an ”all or nothing” type of girl. I find it hard to do anything half-heartedly. And food is definitely no exception. But as I’m getting older, I find that my food benders are much harder to recover from. And if a recent experience is anything to go by, food is getting jack of my indecisiveness. On the weekend, in a rebellious show of defiance, it gave me quite a nasty allergic reaction and a rather hideous swollen face. Never before have I been allergic to any culinary delight. I did not take the warning lightly…I promise to be a much more consistent lover in the future.

I’m also trying a very considered approach to ‘moderation’. Hmmm, not a word I’m particularly fond of. But while I’m trying a more healthy approach to our relationship, I think a little badness doesn’t hurt every now and then.

So here’s the plan. I’m going to keep calm and still add butter. But I’ll do it in moderation….and sometimes substitute it for margarine.

 
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Posted by on October 8, 2012 in Charmed, I'm Sure

 

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The Ultimate Placebo

It seems I have been neglecting you all. If you can believe it, its been almost 6 weeks since I’ve written a post! There has been a good reason, which I hope to share with you one day soon. However, mostly I think it has a lot to do with the Winter Blues. Its been horribly cold here with snow and sleet and rain and ice. Brrrrrrr! All that my mind and body has wanted to do has been sit by the fire and crochet. Or watch old episodes of Super Nanny. Needless to say, that doesn’t make for great post material.

My husband has had a bad case of winter doldrums too. We keep telling each other we need a holiday but we usually just say “yeah, we sure do” and then go right back to watching Jo Frost say “that behaviour is unasseptable.”

So yesterday as I sat in the long-lost sunshine reading the Sunday paper, I happened to stumble across a holiday special to Fiji. I tore it out of the paper and this morning I stuck it on the fridge. When I saw my husband I subtly winked towards the fridge. “That’s weird.” he said. “What is?” I asked. He replied “I was only thinking about going on a holiday to Fiji last night.”  Before he could finish his sentence I was already there, sitting on the beach, drinking a cocktail.

I know this is crazy but today I feel so much better. Just the idea of a holiday has picked me up and I feel like buckets of sunshine are pouring over me. because I’m not one to let a potential opportunity escape me, at lunchtime I hot footed it straight to the Travel Agents! She talked to me about all the options and I expressly told her I wanted a Beachfront Bure. She sent me away with lots of ideas and a tantalising, glossy brochure. Even having that brochure on my desk seemed to brighten my office.

So, who knows if I will ever get my beachfront room with sun-loungers overlooking the rich blue ocean. But today, it doesn’t matter. I had a little holiday in my mind. (And in that holiday, I didn’t get sunburnt).

 
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Posted by on September 3, 2012 in Charmed, I'm Sure

 

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Girl Friday in….Her Need for Balance.

It’s not easy admitting the truth about yourself.

If you signed up to get my posts regularly, you’ll have noticed that they have been pretty irregular lately. In fact almost an entire month has gone by without so much as a peep from me. It’s not that I’ve been deliberately avoiding you, quite the opposite, it seems my life has become so hectic, I honestly haven’t had time for you. That’s the truth – Number 1. My life is too busy to blog about.

In the face of a revelation this week, I’ve had to admit a few other home truths about myself.

Number 2. I feel I have to be the best. At everything.

Being the best at something can be wonderful. Actually, being the best at something is….the best! But it’s when you try to be the best at everything, that’s when you know you have a problem. I could blame it on being a Scorpio…we’re passionate, driven, artistic people. But I think that’s just a cop-out. If I try my hand at something and come up lacking, I feel a huge sense of failure.

Number 3. I am like Vegemite. I spread myself too thin.

Wanting to be the best at everything means you try to do a lot. Too much. So much in fact you suddenly realise that you couldn’t possibly be the best at anything, you just simply don’t have any time left to focus and dedicate your energy to anything. And let’s face it, Vegemite is already lacking in fans.

Number 4. Much like a washed up race-horse, I put myself last.

I know I’m not alone here. But why do I feel a huge sense of guilt if I put myself before others? And why is ‘me-time’ now a dirty word? When it comes to my weekend, the two days off a week that should be for me, I’m lucky if I can find an hour to do something for myself. And if I do, there is a voice in the back of my head saying “but that thing for that person, you’re putting it off, how rude!”. These days it feels like if you’re not helping everyone, you’re helping no-one.

Number 5. My happiness hinges on others being happy.

It’s like not being able to enjoy that double chocolate, coated in chocolate with a chocolate on top ice-cream cone because the kid next you can’t afford to buy one. And you know you’ll just feel better if they ate your ice-cream and you saw the smile on their ice-cream covered face. This isn’t a bad thing, but maybe its ok to eat your own ice-cream every now and then. Why? Because you’ve earn’t it, that’s why.

Ok, so far it sounds like all I’m doing is complaining that I have a very busy, rich life, full of people I care about. Heck yes I do. And I’m grateful up the wazoo about that fact. But here’s the thing, every now and then, you have to stop worrying about what people will think of you if you aren’t trying to please them. That if you say no and try to do things that make yourself, and only yourself happy, the world won’t fall apart. And that if you don’t do a favour for someone – you don’t have to beat yourself up for days about it.

That’s all very nice Jen, you’ve realised you’re an obsessive, perfectionist, control freak who wants to make the world happy. But where does that leave you?

It just so happens that this year isn’t just about self-realisations, it’s also about taking action. So for the next five weeks, I’m only going to work four days a week, instead of five (and sometimes six or seven). While it probably sounds like small fry to you, cutting back my working week is HUGE for me. But what’s even bigger is that I’m not trying to fill that extra day. Its blank, it’s for me. If I want to sit in my pyjamas and watch 1980’s movies all day, I will. If I want to climb that mountain behind my house until my legs feel like jelly, oh I will. And if I want to spend some quality time just blogging about it…you better believe I will.

I’m becoming my own Girl Friday. Word.

 
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Posted by on July 3, 2012 in Charmed, I'm Sure

 

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The sports that didn’t make it into the olympics.

With the imminent arrival of the 2012 London Olympic games about to grace our screens, I thought it was timely to look back at the sports which did not quite make it onto the olympic world stage…

  1. 80’s Shower Dancing – Passed over for the more popular sport of synchronised swimming, 1980’s shower dancing still possesses every bit of poise, coordination and skill. If you mess up one left elbow to right knee combo whilst blasting Olivia Newton-John’s Physical, you’d not only miss out on a medal but most likely end up getting stitches for a lacerated thigh.
  2. 100m Dash with Full Shopping Trolley to Car in the Rain – If you think the 100m hurdles puts fear into the hearts of men, spare a thought for the athletes which have to brave car parks full of potholes, distracted old lady drivers, heavy rain and the always difficult “where the heck are my keys” struggle at the finish line.
  3. Last Chocolate Biscuit Wrestle – Ok, so this has kinda made it into the olympics, minus the chocolate biscuit (or ‘cookie’ for my international pals). But originally this sport was derived from that moment when two hands collide on the way to reach for the last chocolate biscuit. This then proceeds to a ‘death stare’ show down. To the victor, goes the spoils…or cookie in this case.
  4. Hot Feet Dance – Forget rhythmic gymnastics people. The hot feet dance has been around for centuries. Imagine a beach or pool full of spectators. The sun is high in the sky. You see the water glistening in the distance. You face the judges, put your arms high in the air and begin your routine. A graceful hop, skip and jump over the hot sand or cement will see you triumphant. Lets not speak of the endless competitors who’ve sustained third degree burns on the soles of their feet. Its par for the course in this sport.
  5. Beer Fishing – Alright so technically this could have been a winter olympic sport with its link to sub-zero temperatures. But more often than not, it’s played in the summer months. Once all the ice in an esky has melted beyond 50%, brave competitors must plunge their arms into the freezing icy water to retrieve as many beers as they can. Sounds easy right? Well I know many men who train for years to get this one right. But time and time again, they go back to that esky to perfect their sport. That my friends…is true dedication.
So let us spare a thought for the humble athletes who we see every day, doing their best and training like demons in the hope that one day, these sports may be shared with the world. Just so you know, I’d have won 3 gold medals in 80’s Shower Dancing by now.

 
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Posted by on June 16, 2012 in Charmed, I'm Sure

 

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When your chest needs its own postcode.

In 2011, 672 women died as a result of injuries sustained from overly large breasts. That is probably a fictional statistic. Actually I know it is because I just made it up. But surely somewhere, this is the reality. Large breasts can be a hazard.

I can hear at least half of the population saying “So what’s your beef lady? Large mammary glands are the bomb diggity!” And while its true being a Chesty La Roux has its moments, largely they just seem to get in the way.

You know your breasts need their own postcode if you have every experienced any of the following:-

  • Clothes fit you everywhere else, except your chest;
  • You go to great pains to cover them up but they still bust out of your top with more determination than an inmate of Shawshank Redemption;
  • You can lose an entire course of a meal in your cleavage “Oh I’m sure that chicken Maryland was just on my plate…no, wait, here it is!”;
  • When you lie down, you feel like you may choke to death;
  • Going for a jog is an exercise in physics…weight + velocity x gravity = a reinforced sports bra; and
  • People become hypnotised with that space between your belly button and your face. Men, women, children….everyone. Even you. It has this power that humans are unable to resist.

In no way am I trying to give the illusion that my chest is the biggest (it ain’t) or the best (it certainly ain’t). But its been ample enough to cause a few problems along the way. So while I continue to find last nights dessert nestled sweetly my townships, I think its timely to celebrate women of all shapes and sizes. We never seem to be happy with what we’ve got…but I’m just happy I’ve got them at all.

 
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Posted by on June 5, 2012 in Charmed, I'm Sure

 

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