RSS

Tag Archives: health

Project: Bebe

Holy mother of absence – where have I been all your life??

Very good question. The answer is…I’ve been busy. Not just making my own Christmas presents busy. Like…the busiest I have ever been. The reason why? I’ve been growing a baby. Its been the most amazing, wonderful and terrifying experience I’ve ever had. And I’m not even half way!!! Right now, our little Pickle is 16 weeks old and 11.5cm (4.5in) long. Incredible if you ask me.

Despite the initial 14 weeks of horrendous nausea and gagging fits, everything has been going pretty great. Some days I think I’m the only woman who has ever endured the complete and overwelming tiredness of pregnancy. Or the uncontrollable and irrational emotion that changes like the wind. But the biggest challenge for me? I’m now at the complete and utter mercy of my body. Its in the drivers seat of a rally car and thinks its the Stig.

Night time is the worst. It usually plays out something like this:-

10.32pm – Settle into bed.

10.48pm – Body: I’m hungry. Me: No you’re not, go to sleep. Body: I aaaaaam. I need a snack. Me: But I’ve just brushed my teeth. Oh ok. (Get out of bed, find muesli bar, eat muesli bar)

11.15pm – Crazy dreams.

12.39am – Crazy dreams.

3.18am – Crazy dreams.

4.02am – Body: I need something. Me: What do you need? Body: I’m thirsty, I need water. (Drink water beside bed)

4.18am – Body: Now I need to pee. Me: Really? Ok. (Get out of bed, go to bathroom).

4.32am – Body: I need something else. I’m hungry. Me: No you aren’t. I’m not eating anything. You can have some water. (Drink more water)

4.35am – Body: But I am hungry. I’m starving. I’m starving. I’m starv…I’m feeling sick. I might spew. Yep, I’m gonna spew. Nope, I’m hungry again. Pleeeease??? Me: Geez ok, hang on. (Get up, go to pantry, fumble for something in the dark, find half stale chicken crackers, eat 4 crackers, drink more water, go back to bed)

4.46am – Body: Uh oh…I really need to pee again. Me: Seriously?? Seriously? Body: Well you did drink all that water. (Get out of bed, go to bathroom).

5.06am – Body: I can’t sleep. Those crackers have left a funny taste in my mouth. Me: I agree. (Get out of bed, brush teeth, go back to bed)

6.45am – Me: I have to get up in 15 minutes for work. Body: No way! I’m tired. I’m going back to sleep.

7.15am – Me: Darn!! I slept in. Nice work body, now I’m going to be late! Body: Don’t forget that I want 3 pieces of toast for breakfast this morning.

I eventually make it to work looking almost like a real human. By mid-morning I’m actually feeling like a real human. By 3pm, I’m wishing I could crawl under my desk for a nap. But somehow, I manage to get to the end of the day, drag myself home, sometimes make dinner, sometimes curl up on the couch and start the whole night time routine again.

So why not stay tuned for some more exciting and unbelievable adventures starring: My Body. Rated MA+.

Crafty

 
10 Comments

Posted by on January 24, 2013 in Charmed, I'm Sure

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Confessions of a food addict…

Ever since I can remember, I’ve been having a tumultuous love affair with food. At times we are consumed by each other, locking ourselves away from the rest of the world and indulgently taking pleasure in our relationship.

Other times, I come to my senses and realise what food has done to me and I shun it, refusing to see it at all. In the past this has been a time of mixed emotions. Food provides me with a comfort, a reassurance and escape. And not just the eating of it either. I take pleasure in the thought of it, the planning of it, the making of it and of course, the eating of it.

I think the biggest self-realisation is, that in all areas of my life, I’m an ”all or nothing” type of girl. I find it hard to do anything half-heartedly. And food is definitely no exception. But as I’m getting older, I find that my food benders are much harder to recover from. And if a recent experience is anything to go by, food is getting jack of my indecisiveness. On the weekend, in a rebellious show of defiance, it gave me quite a nasty allergic reaction and a rather hideous swollen face. Never before have I been allergic to any culinary delight. I did not take the warning lightly…I promise to be a much more consistent lover in the future.

I’m also trying a very considered approach to ‘moderation’. Hmmm, not a word I’m particularly fond of. But while I’m trying a more healthy approach to our relationship, I think a little badness doesn’t hurt every now and then.

So here’s the plan. I’m going to keep calm and still add butter. But I’ll do it in moderation….and sometimes substitute it for margarine.

 
4 Comments

Posted by on October 8, 2012 in Charmed, I'm Sure

 

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

When your chest needs its own postcode.

In 2011, 672 women died as a result of injuries sustained from overly large breasts. That is probably a fictional statistic. Actually I know it is because I just made it up. But surely somewhere, this is the reality. Large breasts can be a hazard.

I can hear at least half of the population saying “So what’s your beef lady? Large mammary glands are the bomb diggity!” And while its true being a Chesty La Roux has its moments, largely they just seem to get in the way.

You know your breasts need their own postcode if you have every experienced any of the following:-

  • Clothes fit you everywhere else, except your chest;
  • You go to great pains to cover them up but they still bust out of your top with more determination than an inmate of Shawshank Redemption;
  • You can lose an entire course of a meal in your cleavage “Oh I’m sure that chicken Maryland was just on my plate…no, wait, here it is!”;
  • When you lie down, you feel like you may choke to death;
  • Going for a jog is an exercise in physics…weight + velocity x gravity = a reinforced sports bra; and
  • People become hypnotised with that space between your belly button and your face. Men, women, children….everyone. Even you. It has this power that humans are unable to resist.

In no way am I trying to give the illusion that my chest is the biggest (it ain’t) or the best (it certainly ain’t). But its been ample enough to cause a few problems along the way. So while I continue to find last nights dessert nestled sweetly my townships, I think its timely to celebrate women of all shapes and sizes. We never seem to be happy with what we’ve got…but I’m just happy I’ve got them at all.

 
8 Comments

Posted by on June 5, 2012 in Charmed, I'm Sure

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

The only time I’ll touch a wild boars testicles.

I make no secret about wanting a few of my own chubby legged kids one day. And today I was given this little nugget of advice. There is a statue in front of the Sydney Hospital in Macquarie Street called Il Porcellino. My friend said that the legend goes if you rub his wild boar grapes, it will help your fertility. After further research, apparently only rubbing his snout is recommended for good luck. Oh well, next time I’m in the big smoke, I’ll be sure to rub his man-junk just in case.

The incredibly harassed pig.

Which brings me to my next topic…the overly fertile women in my life. I’m telling you, it’s an epidemic (of the good kind naturally). One good friend of mine just gave birth to a healthy baby boy two weeks ago, and another five of my friends are set to follow suit in the coming months. So as the next cab is patiently waiting to drop off her fair…which is already a week overdue, I got to chatting to another one of those lovely ladies about the joys of pregnancy. I was going to re-write it from my perspective…but her words are too good not to share as is. WARNING: do not proceed if you have a weak stomach and/or wish to know nothing about the truth of pregnancy.

Without further adieu, I introduce Dee – our topical expert! She says…

  1. Right, so…when you are pregnant you lose ownership of your body.
  2. The life growing inside you that takes what it wants regardless of how much you have to give.
  3. Your body becomes public property, especially during your first pregnancy. Note: it’s not ok to touch other people. Especially if you’re not really sure what their name is, or if they are looking at you as if they are about to kill you but the only thing holding them back is making a messy scene at work.
  4. Your Dr will do things to you and make you feel discomfort you never knew existed.The dreaded strip and stretch, meant to help your body kick labour off when you are at or past due date, actually just makes you realize you do have Spiderman-esque powers and you can crawl up a wall backwards.
  5. Many women take delight in trying to scare the hell out of you with horrific labour stories, and some just like to give you really bad and condescending advice, such as ‘if you think your tired now, wait till the baby comes’ in that ever knowing voice of a woman who excels at whipping up over cooked-meat and packet rice every night.
  6. Pregnancy brings with it bladder weakness, flatulence, weight gain, fatigue, mood swings.
  7. Magazines try to convince you that being pregnant is like an illness and you need to purchase the entire catalogue of baby kingdom or you will fail as a mother.
  8. Maternity clothing is a complete chapter to be dealt with separately, it’s bad, expensive and designed by men.
  9. The actual process of going through labour is designed to push you to your utter limits, your body will do and feel things you can’t imagine possible, but after you have bared all in a room full of people you barely know, done a poo without even knowing and demanded a hysterectomy you will be handed a red, slimy, screaming creature that will depend on you completely make you fall in love and drive you insane everyday for the best part of your life.

Thanks Dee! I’m sure Number 3. was a technique used in the 1600’s as a punishment against treason. “You said what about the King??? Bend over! Its punishment by the strip and stretch!!!”

I was seriously considering by-passing my manly bacon friend above until I read the very last part of Number 9. It was really touch and go for a while there. Rub-a-dub-dub!

 
10 Comments

Posted by on May 21, 2012 in Charmed, I'm Sure

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

Bang! Bang!

Hello blog world!

As some of you may have noticed, I have been decidedly absent over the past couple of weeks. Never fear…I didn’t suffer from a cinnamon bun overdose. Although it was pretty close there for a while. I’ve actually been suffering from another infliction…work related stress.

Stress is a word that gets bandied around a lot these days… But what happens when that stress starts affecting all areas of your life? Before checking out completely, I was in need of a serious ‘time out’. I was required to take several days off to achieve that time out and it was a long time coming. Here are some things I’ve discovered along the way:

  1. It’s entirely possible to spend a full day in your pyjamas sitting on the couch drinking cups of tea only to get up for bathroom breaks or to make more tea.
  2. Showers are NOT necessary.
  3. Watching hours of tv without really remembering any of it can be achieved quite easily.
  4. Devouring an Easter egg you found in the pantry in approximately 2.6 seconds only makes you feel better for approximately 2.6 seconds.
  5. Listening to the sound of rain on your roof is as good as a hug from your mum.
  6. It’s ok to admit you don’t have ALL the answers.
  7. Crying at the lotto ad where the dad pays off his pregnant daughters mortgage is completely appropriate….that baby shall want for nothing.
  8. Building up your DVD collection over the last several years was really just a pointless exercise because you don’t want to watch any of them, you’ve already seen them at least twice and they take up far too much room.
  9. Re-heated nachos are a completely legitimate lunchtime meal.
  10. Sometimes you need to stop talking to everyone in order to hear what you have to say.

I’m still trying to find that part of me that got lost along the way in between deadlines and pressure and keeping all my balls in the air. What I have realised is that it’s not a one-off deal. It’s a worthy exercise to do for yourself whenever you think you need it. I updated my Facebook status saying “I’m trying to remember what its like to march to the beat of my own drum…” A good friend of mine replied “Try listening less…” Good advice from the dear Mr A.

So here I sit…in the the still and quiet air, not listening for my drum but waiting for it to start beating none-the-less. Bang bang.

 
10 Comments

Posted by on April 19, 2012 in Charmed, I'm Sure

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Couch to 5k – Week 1

Whoever coined the phrase “couch potato” must have been talking about me. I have a well defined ass-groove carved into my recliner. It loves me and I love it. It’s a sweet pillowy heaven that hugs my shapely curves.  Have I painted a vivid enough picture yet? Good. Well, very soon my loving recliner is about to feel the icey coldness of my absence. Yes, that’s right. I’m starting an exercise regime!

Throughout my entire existence I have been prone to fits and bursts of enthusiastic exercise obsessions. In my (much) younger days I played netball for quite a few years. I played the Centre position…very fitting as I don’t mind being the centre of attention most of the time. Our team was called the Kitty Kats and after each game, our coaches gave each player a mini Kit Kat chocolate. I won’t lie and say that it wasn’t a large motivation for playing. But what kind of message was that sending a young, impressionable, budding athlete? Exercise like a crazy person and then eat chocolate? I’m telling you it must have stuck because I seem to reward myself the same way these days (minus the exercise).

That's me at the peak of my athletic career...with the big C on my bib.

So the truth is I’m getting older. And my body doesn’t seem to bounce back from eating binges the way it used to. Enter….technology! Today I downloaded the Ease Into 5k app. Its designed to get me from the warm embrace of the couch, to running 5 km’s in just 8 short weeks. I’m going to tell you straight up this body is not the body of a runner. But I won’t let that stop me. Uh ah, no way.

Starting tomorrow…(tonight I have to cook a chocolate cake for my friends birthday and yes I will lick the bowl) I will be lacing up my runners for the first of my runs/walks/panting/hobbling home exercise.

Wait! What’s that I hear? It’s the eye of the tiger, its the thrill of the fight….

Wish me luck blog-o-sphere!

 
7 Comments

Posted by on March 26, 2012 in Charmed, I'm Sure

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,