Tag Archives: Mila Jovovich

I am the undead.

Well I felt a bit like that yesterday – I was at home sick. I sat in my soft clothes (those clothes that are the most comfiest and softest of all) on the couch under my homemade quilt. I dedicated my day to the tv hoping I would find some escapism there. I ended up watching the following movies:

  • Breaking Dawn – Part 1 (Sooooo dramatically angsty and over the top. Whatever, I’m still Team Jacob)
  • Abduction (Continuing my Taylor Lautner fest….he was the only good thing about that movie)
  • Zombies of Mass Destruction (Oh Lord…see below)
  • The Changeling (I only watched 30 mins of this one when it was nearly at the end. That was 30 mins too long)

Zombies of Mass Destruction – I managed to watch the entire 89 minutes of this movie. I even had a bonafide ‘laugh out loud’ moment when the first zombie attacked without warning, fantastic. But other than that, it was pretty terrible. But isn’t that what a good zombie flick is all about?

I have a slight fascination with the undead. Well specifically, the zombification undead…not neccesarily the vamparific undead. Although I like them too. I try to imagine what I would do if my little town went all hungry for brains on me. Like would I stay at home and board all the windows and doors up, hoping to be rescued? Or would I go all militia on their arses and find a sawn off shotgun? I’d like to think I’d do what was necessary.

So as far as I can tell, there are two types of zombies:-

  1. The slow-moving, slow thinking, falling apart at the seams zombie; and
  2. The incredibly fast, incredibly strong (still a bit brain-dead – ha ha) zombie.

There are a lot of classic zombie films but I’m going to look at a few I like…and one of the best has got to be Shaun of the Dead. Besides my slight crush on Simon Pegg…this movie is hilariously funny and takes the mick out of the genre. Zombie Type – slow-moving.

What about the Resident Evil franchise? I’ll happily waste a couple of hours watching Mila Jovovich kick some butt. Does that woman ever age? And won’t the Umbrella Corporation ever learn from its mistakes? I don’t think so…we’re getting ready for the fifth installment of that one. Zombie Type –  fast-moving.

Of course I also got in on the 28 Days Later action and the subsequent 28 Weeks Later follow-up. I think what we learnt from that one is, those zombies will starve to death given the appropriate amount of time. So definitely find a place to hole up for a month. Zombie Type – fast-moving.

What’s next….ok how about a Will Smith hero action zombie thriller I Am Legend? What makes this one different is poor Will is left all alone in the world with only his dog for company. And those undead don’t like the light. The first time I saw this movie I definitely was glad a deadly global virus hadn’t taken over. It scared the bejesus outta me. Zombie Type – fast-moving.

And lastly – Zombieland. I stumbled across this one accidentally and I totally give it two dead thumbs up. It’s a zombie flick for those of you with a quick wit and dry sense of humour. I loved Woody Harrelson in this. Zombie Type – fast-moving.

So kids, what have we learnt from all this?

  1. Keep a good store of dry goods in your pantry;
  2. Learn how to use a weapon for self-defence (slow-moving zombies can be killed with vinyl records);
  3. Know how to spot the signs of the burgeoning undead…blank stare, pallid blotchy skin, a penchant for human flesh;
  4. Do what’s necessary to survive. Once your best friend, husband or sister turns…they aren’t really themselves anymore and will substantially benefit from a swift beheading.

Stay alert, stay human.


Posted by on March 22, 2012 in Tune In...


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