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Domestic…bliss?

Oh say darling, its been such a long time since we last caught up, hasn’t it? I’ve been ridiculously busy with the house darling, raising my young chap and working part-time hours at the old firm. Its been such a joy!

Um…is that what I’ve been doing? The truth is, its been about a year and a half since my last post. That’s right…18 months! I’d love to say that every day has been a fantastic, insightful and joyful experience. But the truth is, being a mum is hard. Being a working mum is even harder. Like some days, its “I think I’ll walk out the door without you and not come back for a few hours” hard. Most of the time I hear myself saying “how does everyone else do it?” or “I thought I’d be better at it than this”. Most people seem to have their shiz together and some days I just want to lay on the couch eating Doritos.

So why now? Why after all this time have I decided to crack open this page and write another post to the world? The truth is, I’ve been writing posts all along in my head, I just never had the time or the energy to sit down and type them up. Which is a real shame because some of them were corkers! But here’s the deal…my son is almost about to turn two! I’m baking a second bun in my oven and I’m about to head back to work full time. If I don’t write a post now, I probably never will.

So here it is, the truth (according to me) about being a mother:-

  1. Your head might possibly explode. From stress, from happiness, from remembering everything you have to do for everyone all the time. Its ok. Just breathe.
  2. If it doesn’t explode, you’ve made it to another exciting stage. Celebrate that with wine, chocolate, sex, dinner out, a massage. Anything that lets you forget you almost lost your head in a grusome head-exploding incident.
  3. You don’t have to be everything, all the time, to everyone. Sometimes I’m a fantastic mum, sometimes I’m an amazing wife, sometimes I’m a rad sister/friend/daughter and sometimes I’m an incredible cook. But I’m rarely all these things all at the same time.
  4. Using your childs nap time to stare blankly at the wall instead of clean the house is perfectly acceptable. Sometimes I multitask by staring blankly, drinking a cup of tea and eating a biscuit. Now that’s talent.
  5. Its OK to forget you’re a mum sometimes. Like seriously, after my son is all tucked up in bed, cosy, safe and asleep – I sometimes forget he’s even there! And I’ll watch a whole movie, eat ice-cream, read a magazine or shave my legs. Like a normal person.
  6. APPRECIATE your partner/husband/mum/sister/girlfriend when they give you time out, even if its for five minutes. They might look after your child while you pee in peace. Or make you a coffee. Or even say “I’ll look after the baby, go do the shopping on your own”. Whatever it is, big or small. Appreciate it, say thank you, give them a hug and remember to pay it forward to another mum someday.
  7. HAVE FUN. Big statement right. Seriously, try to have some. I highly recommend daggy dancing and terrible singing. Your kid is going to think you’re Beyonce no matter how bad you are.
  8. In the words of John Farnham…”take the pressure down”. Listen to me when I say, don’t buy into unrealistic expectations. No mother is perfect. Not one. Do the best you can. And thats going to change on any given day.
  9. Learn to embrace bodily functions. Poo, pee, spew, snot, spit, tears. Its going to be all up in your face now. AND on your clothes.
  10. Remember, this is what you wanted. And you’re doing a great job. You don’t have to love it all the time but please remember why you got into the motherhood gig in the first place. Its all going to be ok.

The expectations I have on myself change daily, hourly or by the minute! And all I can say is there is no one way to be a mum, no one way to raise your child. I guarantee that most parents are making it up as they go. So if you’ve made it this far without falling asleep or rescuing your son of the kitchen bench before he puts his hand in the blender, you’ve done well lady and thanks for reading. I hope to make it back here before another few years goes by.

Over and out.

Jen

My head might explode from this eyelash cuteness.

My head might explode from this eyelash cuteness.

 
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Posted by on May 14, 2015 in Project Bebe

 

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The 90 Days of Darkness

In my mind, I never stopped writing this blog. In my mind, I’ve been writing posts whilst suffering from pregnancy insomnia, in doctors waiting rooms, on hospital beds, whilst suffering from post pregnancy insomnia and during midnight feeds. In my mind, this blog has been a running commentary on motherhood. But in reality, its been ten whole months since I’ve actually sat down in front of the computer to write a post.

Towards the end of my pregnancy, I turned into a giant whale full of fluid, chocolate and hormones. I gained 26kgs and even the shoes I purchased (which were two sizes bigger) stopped fitting me. I lived in tent like clothes and even though it was the middle of winter, I squeezed my puffa-fish feet into some flip flops when I had to leave the house. I was utterly miserable. But that misery soon turned into elation when our little bundle of gorgeousness was born. Little A-Man arrived with hardly a whimper (him not me) and my husband and I cried our eyes out. At least I’m pretty sure that’s how it went down, I had suffered several agonising hours of labour and was given my fair share of drugs. But he arrived safe and perfect and our lives were complete.

And then we came home from hospital.

The day we got home from hospital.

The day we got home from hospital.

A friend recently described the first three months of motherhood as “The 90 Days of Darkness”. During that time, I didn’t know who I was, where I was or what I was doing. Days turned into nights and back into days. It was one continual blur of feeding, changing, burping, settling. And round and round we went. The first time I left the house with Little A by myself, I was terrified. It was if the shops had suddenly turned into a hostile environment and if I didn’t figure out how to get him into the pram before he cried, the world would come tumbling down.

And then something happened. We got past 12 weeks and we were more confident. Baby was more settled. We had a routine. It doesn’t mean that some days, the sound of his crying makes me feel like crawling into a little ball and rocking back and forth until he stops. Or the thought of having a day by myself fills me with both excitement and sadness. But we’re making progress. And honestly, he is just the most perfect piece of magic I’ve ever seen. I recently said being a mother is like getting to open a present every day. He’s always growing, changing and becoming more wonderful.

The thing is, no one could have ever prepared me for those first three months. No matter how hard they tried. I’m not sure if that’s because if women truly knew what it was like beforehand, we might never do it. So if we did hear “the first three months are hell” we interpret it as “the first three months are challenging but so is shopping in the post Christmas sales, I can totes do it”. Whatever it is, I’m glad I didn’t know. I’m glad I went through the 90 days of darkness and came out the other side to see a rainbow…even if the rainbow is sometimes smeared with poop.

 
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Posted by on November 23, 2013 in Project Bebe

 

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